Why speaking out your mind? 2

One of the quotes I love is "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

I used to think what it meant was to “Be true to your core values no matter what others think of you.” That was why the word "feel" always bugged me. I often crossed out "feel" and replaced it with "believe".
Feeling, I thought, was fleeting and unpredictable. Something that brushes or blankets you. You should not trust and act on it. Ignore or control, instead. Belief, on the other hand, was more permanent and deep-rooted. You can rely on it to decide and act upon. It's what you should align yourself to…

I was wrong. It took me a long time. I now realize it is almost opposite.

Beliefs are basically ideas we subscribe to. They typically come from outside. Are they good for us? Depends. Some have motives to undermine our wellbeing. Or they may be used to undermine us by someone else. We need to choose what we believe carefully.

Feelings are signals. Something deep inside us, mostly what we were born with, perceives our particular situation and moves us or sends us signals to take actions. What sends us signals deeply cares about us. So, which should we trust more?

I was in a relationship I could not speak my feelings for decades. My attempts to say them honestly to understand and be understood were constantly denied or twisted around. How I was feeling was diminished or ill-interpreted and projected back to me as something I could not comprehend. It was confusing to say the least. Self doubts and second-guessing creeped in. Damages from this long term toxic relationship gradually eroded my confidence and weakened my power over myself.

It is complicated, but now I see a series of mistakes I made in this relationship. One of them was not valuing my feelings enough and letting myself emotionally isolated. I did not speak out what was happening and how I was feeling to the people around me. The only person I was speaking out to was the person I was having issues. Exactly the wrong person in my case. I thought getting others involved was not moral thing to do because it was my personal problem I was responsible for. If I had valued and trusted my feelings over some moral beliefs, I would have been speaking out to more people instead of trying to endure abuses with sheer effort. Talking to many more would have helped me to see the situation objectively and clearly. Some could have given pointers what to do to solve problems earlier.

Now I know better. I am re-learning to receive feeling signals with fewer nasty filters and manipulated translations. Speaking out is helping to articulate what I am feelings. It may be a long way to go, but I will keep working. Because those are the signals I should pay attention to, understand what it wants to tell me clearly, so I can take necessary actions.


Why speaking out your mind? 1

I experience many, often fragmented, thoughts throughout my waking time, and sometimes during my sleep. Some are practical and clearly actionable. Others are not and can go around in circles.

Even if I experience certain thoughts repeatedly, without putting those into words, either spoken (to others, not just in my head) or written, they are likely forever fragmented. It nearly impossible to figure out the meaning of those thoughts and what to do about them.

If I want to know how I should or should not act based on those thoughts, I'd better, at least try to, understand properly why I am having those thoughts to begin with. 


EXP EDITION on VICE documentary

光希 (Koki) のKPOP group "EXP EDITION"が、VICEに取り上げられました。

「The World's Most Controversial K-Pop Group」というタイトルが付いているだけあって、CONTROVERSYが焦点。母親としては腹立たしくなる場面も出て来ます。目標を持った若者達が助け合いながら努力しているのを、どうしてここまで問題視する人たちがいるのか?ちょっと理解に苦しむところ

私が言えるのは、今までここまで叩かれても、やり続けて来て成果を出し始めてるってことは、彼らのやる気が本物だということ。根拠のない批判はそのうちに立ち消えていくはず。They are the men in the arena. Critics do not count.

今、EXP EDITIONは東京にいて、8月10日まで新宿のShowboxでライブをやっています。興味ある人いたら行ってみてください。スケジュールはこちら


Texan industrialist turned his polluting company into environmental leader

I manage programs for NT Renewable Energy Group. We had a honor to have Dale Crownover, CEO and President of Texas Nameplate Company, as a speaker for our July meeting.

The reasons I wanted to invite him were...
 - He runs small local manufacturing business.
 - He and his team have been improving their pollution producing business practices over the years to the point that they are recognized for their environmental stewardship.
 - He spends his personal time to encourage others to green up their practices.

His story was fascinating. We were encouraged by knowing company like this exists in our own backyard.

There are three things he talked about and did not show up in below linked sites.
 - He trademarked the phrase "Our nameplates are green." 
 - He often faces strong resistance from other business owners when he talks about going green.
 - They invented iScrubber, a closed-loop automated solvent scrubbing system. He let his major competitor come in to observe the system even though his management opporsed. They worried the competitor might imitate the system and their company might lose its competitive advantage. Surprising results? Two separate competitors asked Texas Nameplate perform that part of process for them. Texas Nameplate picked up extra business and revenue by generously opening the door to its competitor and sharing information to go green. Abundance mindset resulted in win/win. How cool is that?

Texas Nameplate Website

Detail story about the company...


光希 (Koki) のKPOP group "EXP EDITION"が、ゴールデンウィークに来日、5月2日に東京で初ライブ

末息子、光希 (Koki) のKPOP group "EXP EDITION"が、ゴールデンウィークに来日、5月2日に東京で初ライブします!


5月2日(水) 13:00 & 18:00 @ HY Town Hall


日本語のインタビュー (Time Out Tokyo)


光希:EXP EDITIONは不可能と思えることを追求するというアイデアから生まれました。ですから、僕たちのストーリーを聞き、パフォーマンスを見た人たちが、かつては叶えられないと思っていた夢や目標を追求してくれると嬉しいです。*


Texas, my home!

I've been living and working in Texas for almost a quarter-century.

No, it was not planned...

My dream country since childhood was Australia.
I had wonderful experiences there. Great memories.
I was working on and close to move there as I had planned for a long time.

Well, life happens.

When I moved to Dallas, Texas, I had no idea what Texas was like. Cactus and cowboys on horses were just about the images I had.
The first night, we had torrential rain. Roads became rivers and I was horrified.
I had two babies and one toddler at my toe, needless to say, was overwhelmed.
I remember crying "What's in the world I was thinking to agree to come to the place like this!"

The thing is...Plano, Texas, where I've been living since, turned out to be a wonderful place to raise children (my treasures), really a great place to live and is getting better and better!

That's how the title, Iitoko Dallas and then Iitoko Texas came about. Iitoko means "good place" in Japanese.

I love here, warts and all.
I am a proud transplanted Texan.
"Home is where the heart is."
This is my home.